by Chelsi
Not getting along with at least one of your family members is nothing new. Everything may seem fine and dandy on the surface but you definitely know you will not have an easy relationship with this person in the foreseeable future.
[ ADVERTIsem*nT ]
This young woman's brother-in-law was that person for her. The 19-year-old avoids her BIL as much as she can because, according to her, he is misogynistic, disrespectful, and doesn't understand the concept of boundaries.
OP says she is uncomfortable around her BIL because he used to make fun of her a lot. He also orders his wife, OP's sister, and OP's mom around by making them prepare his food, wash his clothes, and do all of the childcare.
Lately, OP has been forced to spend more time with his BIL because he is helping out with the construction work at her parents' house. Her dad and BIL usually leave at the same time for work in the morning.
OP has been preparing her dad's lunches for about two years now. She has been learning how to cook and ever since then she cooks most of their meals at home including her dad's packed lunches.
OP made enchiladas that particular morning for her dad. She packed the enchiladas along with the sauces and a side salad as well as a bag of chips and the drinks to go along with it.
OP told her dad his lunch is in his car already then OP's BIL asked OP where his packed meal was?
OP shrugged and said she left a container of food on the counter and he was more than welcome to pack his own meal. He was visibly annoyed and asked OP why she didn't pack food for him.
OP replied that he's not her dad and left it at that. Her mom tried to mediate and told OP to start packing lunch for her BIL.
BIL smirked at OP when he heard that. In response, OP sat and told him no because he can either pack his own lunch or just buy his food when he gets to work.
The mom said OP was embarrassing her but OP's dad defended her. He told BIL to stop arguing and just pack his own lunch because OP already cooked for them.
Finally, the defeated BIL surrendered and just said he will just buy lunch from outside. OP's mom was not ready to let the issue go and when OP's dad defended her again, the mom tried to reason that it was unfair because OP packs his lunches for him.
OP's dad said he doesn't demand it and besides, BIL is an adult. When he left for work, OP's mom called her an a**hole for not doing as she was told then said OP was raised better than that.
Is OP wrong for not packing lunch for her BIL? You can read her original post below:
"He has no boundaries."
"I cook for all of us."
"I shrugged"
"He gave me a dirty look."
"My mom tried to berate me."
He is an adult man who has a job. He can pack his own meals.
The dad definitely raised OP to be her own woman. We love that for her.
A whole lot of internalized misogyny she has to unlearn
Simply said, it's do what you've been told because you don't want the big, strong men to be angry at you
A more detailed explanation to the "rock the boat" norm can be read below:
"Any woman that rocks the boat doesn't know her place." Rock the damn boat, OP, capcize the damn thing if you want.
Where is OP's sister in all of this?
They don't live in one house and we can only guess if she packs him his meals
Even with OP's sister, this devil of a man is useless
If OP's mom was that adamant, she should pack him his meals. Make sure there's a change of nappies there as well.
Apparently, mom waits on BIL when he's around and she does this for the men of the house
It could be a cultural thing as OP hinted above
The picture is getting clearer and mom a lot of ingrained internalized misogyny to unlearn
Does OP's family owe this man a great debt? Is that why he has to be catered to?
Apparently, they don't owe him anything but OP's mom wants her to serve the men of the house the same way she does
The disappointment towards the mom is so enormouse, BIL can pack it as a hearty lunch
OP's dad sounds really cool though
That would be an unwelcome relish for his sandwich
Exactly, they are enabling this jerk's behavior
OP's gesture of packing lunch for her dad is sweet and she does it out of love...
... and there's a really heartwarming story behind it
OP read all of the comments on her post and her heart is full from the kind and supportive comments
It's crystal clear that OP did absolutely nothing wrong in this story. She was doing a sweet gesture for her dad willingly because he loved her packed lunches right from the very start.
OP's brother-in-law is indeed an entitled and sexist a** who wanted the packed lunches just to show OP he could make her do what he wanted. Well, he learned that OP has a stronger spine than him, and, vindicated, she can now enjoy her food with her own satisfied smirk.
